Welcome to the Penultimate Mostly-Kind-Of-But-Not-Really Accurate WoT Show Meme Recap!

(Warning: Spoilers for Episodes 1-7)

Tigraine grabs a solidier's cape, pulls him down, and stabs him, then yells, "NO CAPES!"

Episode 7, titled “The Dark Along The Ways,” begins with a pregnant Aiel woman just trying to give birth in peace. But for some reason, a bunch of dudes in armor really don’t want her to. She is amazing, though, and proves Edna Mode correct in her assessment on capes. She beats the soldiers soundly so she can relax and give birth in the nice comfortable snow.

Back in the show’s present, our protagonists, with the help of nice Ogier Loial and some keen eyes from Perrin, navigate through the ways.

In the Ways, Perrin says "There's something up there." After the group glares at him dubiously, they move forward to find a navigation stone covered by a Shen Yun poster. They really are everywhere.

They find a navigation stone, but Loial, being as slow as an Ent, needs time to read it. He doesn’t get it, though, as Trollocs show up. Someone accidentally channels and Machin Shin comes running, so they sprint for the closest Way Gate. They make it, but Machin Shin overcomes them and reveals uncomfortable truths (lies?) to them.

Machin Shin overcomes the group, close on rand it whispers: "You will never find another game as beautiful and satisfying as Shadow of the Collossus, so you might as well stop playing games.

They stumble out of the Way Gate at Fal Dara. But most of the crew has never left the Two Rivers and demand an explanation.

Outside the Way Gate Nynaeve asks, "Where are we?" Loial responds, "The fortress city of Fal Dara. The last bastian of Blockbuster Video." It ends on a shot of a blockbuster before Tarwin's Gap.

They enter the city and seek out its head to deliver a message, but Lord Agelmar does not want to hear it.

Moiraine says, "I am--" but is interrupted by Lord Agelmar who gives a very long speach about how he needs no aes sedai help. Moiraine finally continues, "Lord Agelmar, if you had let me finish you would know i'm here to reach you about your car's extended warranty."

He apologizes and makes a generous offer.

Lord Agelmar: "If you need anything, just ask" Moiraine: "There is one thing... Could you knuckle your mustache? I just want to know what that looks like."

Their business with Lord Agelmar complete, Moiraine takes the Two Rivers folks to a bar. But along the way, Perrin notices something suspicious…

Perrin glances around as he walks. Suddenly Jean Ralphio and Mona Lisa dance by singing "Don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious!" He glares after them.

In the bar, Moiraine meets with Min, a seer who glimpses imagery from the pattern around people. She tells the Aes Sedai what she sees around the Two Rivers folk.

Panel 1: Min, "The one on the left has yellow eyes. So help me god, yellow eyes." Panel Two: Perrin sits with an image of Scut Farkus from A Christmas Story grinning over his shoulder.

Later that night, everyone has a big fight because the story gods demanded it and they split up. Nynaeve follows Lan to a group in the city he secretly knows.

Panel 1, Lan says, "Everyone this is Nynaeve, Nynaeve this is everyone. " Panel 2, the D&D group from freaks and geeks sit around a table and glare toward the camera.

Most everyone else attempts to get some rest, but Nynaeve stays with Lan and asks the important questions.

Nynaeve: "Why did he call you The Weasel?" Pauly Shore: "Because i'm the Weasel, buuuudy!"

She’s not the only one who needs answers, though. Rand goes to Min and finds out that, yes, he does continue to look like a certain Jedi.

Rand, "What do you see when you look at me?" Min: "Anakin Skywalker."

But apart from that, she also confirms he is the Dragon Reborn. With the assumption that all but the Dragon will die when he faces the Dark One, he sneaks off with Moiraine and the episode ends with them heading into the Blight.

Rand: "What is it?" Moiraine: "The Great Blight. A part of the world corrupted by the Dark One's Touch." We end on a panel of the Blight, right behind a sign that says "Florida welcomes you!"

Episode seven was my favorite yet! Or maybe it’s right behind four… They’re both pretty close. The opening with Tigraine was FANTASITC, and the rest of the episode really proved how the show could adapt the books without being exactly like it. The location was spot on and the character arcs were the right ones for our characters, just brought forward from later in the books, and the world building was great. It was great seeing Min and her visions and the Blight, though different than how I imagined, just looked right. I can’t wait to see what the finale brings!

Now it’s time for your free meme template! This one comes from the current episode, and it involves Moiraine’s warning about the Eye of the World.

Moiraine: "I don't want you to die, any of you, but whichever of you goes to the Eye of the World and is not the Dragon... you will die there. Ground to dust between two forces of nature." Rand: " You mean like getting between a Southerner and a Waffle House?"

Now let’s see what you’ve got! What weird or silly metaphors does Rand have?

Until next week, remember: the Wheel memes as the Wheel wills.

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